STAY THIRSTY MY FRIENDS

(This piece is also featured in my Psychology Today blog http://tinyurl.com/7m9cdpx as well as via sermon podcast http://www.mabcnyc.org/mabc-audio.htm)

    
     “People hang on his every word, even the prepositions.”

     “He lives vicariously through himself.”

     “He bowls overhand.”

     “He is the most interesting man in the world.”

Knocking out my prior two favorite commercials (the eTrade Baby and the original Geico caveman – much superior to the new) is the Dos Equis Beer “Most Interesting Man in the World” ad campaign. Described as a cross between Ernest Hemingway and Don Draper, the commercial features a gray-haired, rough-hewn spokesman who at the end of the ad, smiles, leans into the camera holding a Dos Equis and says “stay thirsty my friends.” Ah yes, the perfect New Year’s resolution.

For some reason at the beginning of each New Year, I tend to get wrapped up in framing the “perfect" resolution list. Yet every year, no matter how much I try, the list always devolves into predictable mind-numbing stuff like "lose ten pounds, read more, become more spiritual."

No more.

In 2012, I've decided to do something different. No long lists, no flow charts. This year I am following the timeless, yet simple Dos Equis wisdom: "stay thirsty my friends."

Okay, yes it encourages us to go out and buy beer. Worse things could happen. But this phrase also offers us all some fresh insight. What if we committed to "stay thirsty" -- intellectually, emotionally and spiritually thirsty -- throughout 2012? How much richer our lives (and our world) might be.

To be intellectually thirsty is probably the easiest of the three. We just take a lesson from little kids. Somewhere around the age of five, we all find a new word – a favorite word – that we begin to use more than any other. And that word is “why.”

“Why is the sun yellow?”

“Why do stars twinkle?”

“Why does Grandpa stay in the bathroom so long?”

At that early age we aren’t scared of questions. The looming dread of seeming ignorant has not set in.

Sadly in adult life that dread takes center stage. We confuse curiosity with ignorance. Newsflash: questions do not demonstrate ignorance. The lack of questions does. Voltaire perhaps said it best: “judge a man by his questions, not his answers.”

When we stop asking questions, we stop learning. And when we stop learning, we stop living. Reclaim your sense of curiosity, ask the questions, stay intellectually thirsty my friends.

Staying emotionally thirsty is a bit tougher. And please understand by emotional thirst I don’t mean clingy. I mean emotionally available.

To be thirsty means to be empty. And sometimes we need to do just that – empty ourselves of ourselves. Doing this allows us to become thirsty again; thirsty, that is, for others. If we are thirsty for others, we seek them out, we focus more intensely, we listen more deeply. It’s like the prayer of Saint Francis: “Grant that we may not so much seek to be understood as to understand.”

What does this mean in practical terms? It means think about someone else for a change. Make a point to actually listen. What are their fears? Their dreams? Their joys? When we focus only on ourselves, we lose one of the greatest gifts of life – the gift of relationship; the ability to love and be loved; the healing of community. Empty yourself of yourself. Try and listen to understand. Stay emotionally thirsty my friends.

The most difficult of the three may be maintaining spiritual thirst. If we are spiritually thirsty, we crave meaning and purpose. Sadly this world is not a place that nurtures that thirst. It is easy to fall into the trap of feeling powerless and insignificant. Everything in the news is negative; every story is about how huge the problems are and how no one has a solution. Eventually we get to a point where we just don’t care anymore – we lose our thirst for meaning.

Not to get too religious for the blogosphere, but if I ever feel insignificant I think of the phrase in the bible that says “indeed, the very hairs of your head are counted.” (Luke 12:7) I mean why would God or the universe or whoever take the time to do that unless we had some importance?

A more philosophical approach was taken by the Transcendentalist Thoreau who acknowledged that “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.”

Yet it was the Transcendentalist that also believed deeply in the power and sanctity of the individual. As Emerson wrote, “Be yourself; no base imitator of another, but your best self. There is something which you can do better than another. Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that. Do the things at which you are great, not what you were never made for.”

Just for a moment put aside your 21st century skepticism and listen: Each of us was created for something unique and important. Each us of us has a role in this world, whether we realize it or not. The good news is that our understanding of our role (or lack thereof) has no bearing on our significance. Aware, or not, we go forward. We search for meaning. That’s why we’re here. That’s what we do. Or at least that is what we do if we stay spiritually thirsty my friends.

It really comes down to a question of how you want to live your life. Do you want to live in an insular manner, locked down with all “the” answers? Or do you want to stay intellectually thirsty and ask questions, stay emotionally thirsty and listen, stay spiritually thirsty and care?

I challenge us all at the beginning of this New Year to stay open, stay curious, and stay engaged. Make this your 2012 resolution. Commit to it today. What do you have to lose?  A stale, predictable resolution list? Please.  My 2012 resolution (and I hope yours) is to stay thirsty my friends.

Happy New Year to you all!

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING BABY JESUS FOR THE HOLIDAYS?

This blog entry was also featured in my Huffington Post Column at: http://goo.gl/13zK3

Stampedes. Fist fights. Pepper Spray.

Is it a political coup? An Occupy Wall Street riot? The running of the bulls in Pamplona?

No it’s Christmas shopping 2011.

One would think after two million years of evolution that human beings would have transcended such nonsense. Sadly our fight or flight genes continue to be driven into a frenzy by the stress of our lengthy holiday shopping lists.

Everyone is included on these ridiculously long lists, from the mailman to our co-workers to our great Aunt Hazalene who we haven't seen in years. Everyone, that is, except one obvious name. Here’s a hint: look at the first six letters of the word “CHRISTmas.”

I am afraid the baby Jesus gets the short end of the stick during the holidays. Given it is his birthday, don't you think he should be on the list?

And please understand, this is not just an idea for Christians. Notwithstanding what you believe about who Jesus was or what he represented, at a minimum he was a wise prophet that offered the world healing wisdom; wisdom like love thy neighbor, judge not, blessed are the peacemakers. Good stuff. So if we are buying the newspaper delivery person a gift, why not add baby Jesus to the list?

Now ... WHAT to get him? An Ipod shuffle? The Twilight Saga Collector’s Edition? An Xbox with Batman: Arkham City? We could also copy the wise men and snag some gold and good smelling frankincense – or by today’s terms a gold pinky ring and cologne by Usher.

While these are all nice gift ideas, honestly, it’s the baby Jesus. We can do better than that.

So what is the ultimate present to give the baby Jesus? And notice I said GIVE him, not buy him. The best gifts are ones that have nothing to do with what money can buy.

To date, the best gift guide I have found is contained in the book of Micah: "What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with your God." How about putting acts of justice, kindness and humility on your list? These are things that the baby Jesus would love way more than an Xbox.

How about the gift of “doing justice”? And keep in mind, the scripture says “do justice.” This is not a John Lennon approach like imagine justice. This is about taking action.

My friend and filmmaker Dan Karslake is working on a new movie entitled “Every Three Seconds.” (http://everythreeseconds.net/ ) Tragically every three seconds someone dies of hunger and poverty. Yet the greatest tragedy is that today, right now, we have the means to stop it.

The film highlights everyday people who are in fact trying to stop it. And keep in mind, these are not people who started out saying, “I will change the world.” These are just folks like you and me who simply stepped up to the opportunities presented and did something. Kind of like the great words from Rosa Parks: “All I was trying to do is get home from work.”

What are some “justice” gift ideas? Take advantage of the opportunities right in front of you and do something about those in need. The easiest way? Volunteer. One hour out of your week won’t tick up your stress levels that much. In fact, focusing on others might well reduce them. For a list of suggestions, check out http://www.nationalserviceresources.org/volunteer-recruitment-websites . A true holiday gift is an act of justice – one human being to another.

Or how about the gift of kindness? This may be harder than we think. A recent Consumer Reports poll showed that of the top holiday stresses, “being nice” ranked in the top ten.

How hard can this be? We’re only talking about a few modest acts of kindness. Like the recent media report of the Santa who learned sign language. The story explained that a local school for the deaf was invited to visit, but the children were not told Santa knew sign language. When the first child climbed on his lap, Santa signed, “what would you like for Christmas?” and the child’s face just lit up.

“Kindness” gift ideas? Learn sign language would be at the top of the list. But if you don’t have time for this, then how about just learn to speak to people; people like those who take the blunt of the holiday stress, like bus drivers, store clerks, and waiters/waitresses. Even a simple question like “how is your day?” or “how are you doing?” shows that someone noticed… someone cares.

If none of these ideas strike you, how about give the baby Jesus the gift of humility. Jesus looked at humility much like the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu. Both believed that true energy or power came not from raising ourselves up, but from lowering ourselves in service. Lao Tzu used water to explain it:

           "The rivers and seas lead the hundred streams, because they are skillful at staying low."

These streams flow willingly into the rivers and seas not because the rivers and seas hold themselves up, but because they lower themselves in the land, so that the water might naturally flow to them.

“Humility” gift ideas? I defer to Therese Borchard who writes a wonderful blog entitled “Beyond Blue.” One of her recent posts was “Six ways to deal with difficult family members during the holidays.” (http://tinyurl.com/79p27xu  ) She begins with words by George Burns: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

She then goes on to suggest several ideas for dealing with family stress, such as: Don’t take everything personally, wait before you speak, and my personal fav: when in doubt carry a blankie, like a favorite photo or token to give you an extra shot of strength.

Never underestimate the power of a little humility.

The bottom line? Put the baby Jesus on your Christmas list. Come on – it’s the easiest gift on your list. You don’t have to risk the stampedes or fist fights or pepper spray, as this is about giving the gift of yourself. It’s like 1 Timothy 4:14 says: “neglect not the gift that is within thee.”

We have all been given unique gifts – gifts that make the best and only true holiday gifts. Reach deep within; find what you have to give; quietly cultivate your sense of justice, kindness and humility … and put the baby Jesus on your list.

   This blog was given as a sermon at the Madison Avenue Baptist Church in NYC.                                http://www.mabcnyc.org/mabc-audio.htm



A VETERAN'S DAY MESSAGE

This message by Carl T. Solberg, Vietnam Veteran, will be given as a sermon at the Madison Avenue Baptist Church in NYC

I was honored when Susan asked if I would like to offer a message for this Veteran's Day. As I am a veteran, you might expect my message to be straightforward - a gung-ho voice celebrating our military, evoking the patriotic feelings we experience when the Veteran's Day parade goes by.

My view is a bit more complex. As a Christian and a veteran, I have found the issues of war and service and faith complicated . I have two themes for this Veteran's Day message: as Americans, we should support our vets; and as people of faith, we should think long and hard about wars, particularly the voluntary kind.

First, I believe whole heartedly that we should support our vets, current and future. Not long ago I was on a domestic plane flight, and before leaving the gate the pilot announced that we had to wait a few more minutes, for some special passengers. Shortly the hostesses ushered into the cabin a group of young men and women, wearing the fatigue uniforms of our nation's military, as the pilot announced that they were headed for service in Iraq. The passengers broke into applause. The pilot - obviously himself a veteran - poked his head into the passenger cabin to watch, with a smile. We were all proud of them, our young folks heading overseas to serve and do battle, for us.

My experience was a bit different.

My service came in the Vietnam War, the most unpopular war in American history. When I traveled around the country in my uniform, no one cheered, no one clapped; people looked anywhere but at me. The rare kind word or smile came only from veterans. When I came home in 1970 from my combat tour in Vietnam, we got off a transport plane at an air force base outside Seattle and walked under a big sign that read, Welcome home, soldier! America is proud of you! 24 hours later, I was dropped off at the Seattle airport by an army bus, and I stood on the sidewalk, wearing a new uniform for my trip home and clutching my new orders, discharging me from the Army.

I wasn't quite ready to go home. My head was spinning from the abrupt transition from the jungle, thousands of miles away, to a cool April evening in the Pacific Northwest. I found a pay phone and called a college friend, who was then a graduate student in Seattle. Before long Bob was pulling up in his car at the curb. He did a wonderful thing for me - he took me skiing in the nearby Cascade Mountains for a couple of days. It was a great transition - everywhere I looked people were smiling, no one was shooting, and it couldn't have been farther from the jungle.

But before we went skiing, we stopped at the house Bob was sharing with several other graduate students. Bob introduced me - this is my friend Toby - he just got home from Vietnam! None of them would shake my hand.

The sign I'd walked under - welcome home, soldier, America is proud of you - was a lie. America was not proud of me - America was ashamed of me. Definitely a Veteran's Day contradiction.

I started law school that fall; I didn't tell anyone I was a veteran. I pushed Vietnam into the back of my mind, and buckled down to building a life for myself. Some 15 years later, another vet stuck his head into my office and called my attention to the Veteran's Day parade outside; he said there were Vietnam veterans marching, and they were being cheered. Time had passed, attitudes had changed. But I will never be able to shake the memory that I once put everything I had on the line for my country, and my country was not grateful.

Vietnam - and Korea - were departures for Americans. The wars that had gone before were easy to understand: the Revolution to make us free, the Civil War to keep our country together and abolish slavery, - and above all World War II: the worldwide struggle against tyranny, totalitarianism, hatred, cruelty, the Holocaust. And all Americans dug deep for that one.

I think of my grandmother, who lived in Eau Claire, WI her entire life. She had 3 children; all 3 went to war - one son to England to train with the 101st Airborne Division for the invasion of France, another son on a destroyer in the Pacific, and a daughter, my mother, in the Red Cross on the distant Pacific island of New Caledonia. And one day an Army car pulled up outside, and an Army officer got out, along with the pastor from Grandma's church. They gave her the bad news - her son John had been killed in action in Normandy. He's buried in the American Cemetery at Omaha Beach. On his cross, below his name, rank, unit and dates, it says Wisconsin. When you look around at the other crosses, some of them Stars of David, you see Texas, and California, and Iowa, and North Carolina. A long way from Eau Claire, WI. A war that touched all Americans, and that was easy to understand. Not like Korea or Vietnam.

Don't get me wrong: I'm proud to have served, whatever the merits of the war. I hold with Stephen Decatur, the soldier and statesman who made his reputation by flushing pirate bands out of Tripoli in the War of 1812. Decatur once gave a toast: to my country: may she always be right, but right or wrong, my country. I'm proud to have served my country. Support the vets; it's the right thing to do.

That said, back the Vets, but question the wars.

The truth is - wars are a little too easy for us to wage these days. They're fought on the other side of the world, far from our daily view, by volunteers. I always felt that we're very lucky to live in America, and that we citizens have an obligation to give something back, be it military service, alternative service, Peace Corps, Teacher Corps, whatever.

Our lives today are pretty cushy, and apart from 9/11 we're far removed from the trouble spots of the world. We have to read history to remind ourselves that a lot of blood was spilled here in the United States by our forefathers to get us to the liberties and luxuries we enjoy today. New York City was occupied by our enemy during the Revolution. There were battles on Long Island, in White Plains; George Washington moved his army across the Hudson River right where the GW Bridge is today. We haven't had a war on American soil since the Civil War. In today's global society, we send our troops far away.

And the troops we send are volunteers. The bulk of service in the Vietnam war, at the level of the ordinary soldier, was borne by draftees, like me. We didn't volunteer. We went under compulsion. Imagine if you can that today every male as he turns 18 gets a letter saying, you're 1A - you're ready to go; you can be called at any moment. And you will be called.

Today there is no draft. Today's wars are borne by our professional military, supplemented by the Reserve and the National Guard, all of them volunteers.

One thing ties all wars together: they tend to be declared by old people, our politicians - and fought by young people. A former business colleague of mine, a venture capital banker then in his 60s, had a brilliant idea. Bill pointed out that wars have always been fought by young men - why? Young men think they'll never die, they think war will be an adventure. Bill suggested we send our old people off to fight instead. Think about it: older people are less likely to cooperate. Picture the World War I scene of the troops in the trenches; an officer shouts, over the top, boys! Charge! The troops in the trenches, average age say 65, respond: my back's a little stiff today, it's not really a good day for a charge. Maybe tomorrow. They're also more likely to argue: why should we charge? They've got machine guns! It's dangerous, not to mention pointless. This idea could be the end of warfare - at long last.

Support the vets. But the best thing we could do for our vets is to save their lives; decide NOT to wage a voluntary war on the other side of the world. Question the wars our politicians propose.

These are important moral issues. Maybe we could find some guidance in our faith. Well - if there are any two features of this world more intertwined than religion and war, I don't know what they are. In the 2000 years since the birth of Christ, try to find a war that wasn't fought over religion; that didn't invoke religion on one or both sides; that didn't represent people trying to pull God into their human disputes.

There's hardly been a period in Christian history without a Christian war going on somewhere: Christians against Muslims, Catholics against Protestants, Protestants against Protestants. Everybody against other faiths, considered non-believers, like Aztecs, Incas and other Native Americans. Wars without declaring war, like the Inquisition, in which the only Christian church of the time virtually declared war on its own people over minor matters of church dogma, all in the name of Christ.

And if the war wasn't directly over religion, religion was invoked, often by both sides. Think of the Civil War, with famously pious generals - mostly Protestants - on both sides praying to God for strength to kill each other. And thanking God afterwards for giving them the victory.

All this involves some basic human presumptions, none of them consistent with the teachings of Christ: the presumption that God would approve of war; the presumption that God would take sides in a war; the presumption that God would want to get involved in such human stupidity at all.

There's always been comfort for Christian warmongers in the Old Testament, in the concept of an eye for an eye, and in the many accounts of ancient wars: the righteous extinction by God Himself of the pharaoah's army at the Red Sea. The reduction of Jericho. David and Goliath. Yet the Old Testament also has Moses on the mountaintop receiving the Ten Commandments, one of the most memorable: thou shalt not kill. Not, thou shalt not kill Christians. Not, thou shalt not kill good guys. Thou shalt not kill, plain and simple.

And then there's the New Testament: the life of Christ, the ultimate pacifist. Can anyone reading the Beatitudes think that Christ would think it was OK to kill Southerners? Or Northerners? Or members of another faith, or members of no faith?

The teachings of Christ - the very essence of Christianity - tell us that killing is a sin. Despite 2000 years of human effort to the contrary, there is no justification in the story of Christ for killing each other. Quite the contrary.

Of course, Jesus wasn't there on Christmas Eve of 1969 when my little fire base in the Central Highlands of Vietnam was attacked. Or maybe He was there, and we just didn't have time to consult. There wasn't an opportunity at Pearl Harbor for our soldiers and sailors to ask what to do. Is it wrong to defend yourself? To defend your country?

Like most American veterans, I consider myself a religious man (there's a famous saying in the military: there are no atheists in foxholes) - and so I am conflicted about Veteran's Day. I'm conflicted about the Vietnam War, torn between pride in my service, shame at my country's reaction, regret that my country saw fit to spend my service in so poor a cause, guilt at surviving the war when so many did not. I'm conflicted about the use of Christianity throughout its history by my fellow humans as an excuse for systematically violating the most fundamental precept of our faith.

That's a lot of conflict, for a holiday. There's a parade, with bands, waving flags, cheering children, and a lot of old men marching in uniforms that are a bit too tight. The Shriners show up at a lot of these parades, and buzz around Fifth Avenue in their little cars. Maybe I ought not to take myself so seriously; maybe I ought to forget about contradictions and conflicts, so natural to our human condition. Maybe I just ought to bask in the cheers and thanks of my countrymen, however flawed, and not worry about my equally flawed self. After all, we're only human. And maybe that's the answer: even God doesn't expect us to match Jesus's idealistic teachings - just to do our best. And that's what our veterans did, all of them, in every war: we did our best. So let's do our best for them, take care of our veterans, and maybe at long last, we can all believe in that sign: welcome home, soldier! America is proud of you.



This blog entry can also be seen on Day 1 at http://day1.org/3420-a_veterans_day_message